I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i now understand why vodka
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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