I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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