I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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