Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize