Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
