Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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