She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
