me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
