i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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