Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
