Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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