i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
