I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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