i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
