im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
