dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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