it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
