There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
