I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize