I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Randomize
