Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
