there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
