I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
