you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
