I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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