I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize