i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
