im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
