worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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