ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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