proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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