I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Quick, to the slutcave!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
