im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
