I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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