She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
