Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
