As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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