he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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