he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know, be my cock's hype man.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
