I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
