Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
