I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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