forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
