awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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