I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
