I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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