Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize