What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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