i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
