You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
