her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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