I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
