Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
