you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
