This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
