May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
