It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
