Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
