im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
