So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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