I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
