I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
