He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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