dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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