We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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