I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
