I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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