did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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