I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize