I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Still dying that you shit outside
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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