Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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